“I’m tired of fighting
I’m tired of fighting Fighting for a lost cause” -Beck, from “Lost Cause” The other day I was walking around a bookstore looking for The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas, needing a good adventure story to distract me. That’s when a song I recognized came on the speakers. It was “Lost Cause” by Beck. The song has always been one of my favorites. What I find especially interesting is the air of finality the song evokes; the singer giving up on having a fulfilling and loving relationship with another person. The mood is extremely morose and practically dripping with melancholy, but it also stresses one important thing: Finally giving up on that person. You know who I’m talking about. We all have that person that we want to be attached to, even if every sign points us in the other direction. Still, we cling on for dear life, hoping that they’ll come around. We can give this person a thousand chances, but at some point we realize the truth: They’re never going to be there for us. It’s not easy to accept it. Lord knows I’m still in the process of it. I want that person to call me before they go to bed and tell me about their day; to affirm the feeling I get when I’m near them; to give me as much as I give them. But to realize that the affirmation is never coming is a part of moving on. To make the process of giving up on someone easier, we have to remind ourselves of a few things: The World Is Abundant The world is full of people; people who are trying to figure out their lives, connect with others, and understand themselves. It may get complicated sometimes, but sooner or later you’ll probably meet someone that you can trust. This person will appreciate who you are as a person, and you’ll slowly realize that you’ll be able to rely on them. Patience seems to be the key with people. Keep your heart open and see what happens. Remember to keep relationships light until you really feel like you can trust someone. Take a few seconds every morning to remind yourself of the world’s abundance. Opportunities and second chances are everywhere you look, if only you open your eyes and see them. There Are No Guarantees People are complicated. There’s no way to know what they’re really thinking, and no way to really predict their behavior. Reminding yourself of the unpredictability and chaos of the world offers you an elevated perspective on the nature of your own problems. The stock market falls and rises again; the weather shifts and changes; people change their minds and go against what they said the day before. It’s just the way of the world, and you have to be aware of it’s paradoxical nature even as you fight to control it. Having someone to rely on is the exception to this, not the rule. Learning to love, respect, and trust in someone is something rare and wonderful that should be celebrated. Knowing there are no guarantees, you can walk boldly into the world and be surprised when good things do come. Connect With Yourself “That’s the way of the world Plant your flower and you grow a pearl Child is born with a heart of gold Way of the world makes his heart so cold” -Earth, Wind, and Fire Instead of trying to connect with a person that doesn’t want to give anything to you, try connecting more with yourself. This may be tired advice, but there is something to it. Look for things that you’re interested in, whether that’s music, art, sports, or some kind of craft or skill. Follow your interests all the way to the end of the line. Ever want to try playing tennis more? Or did you always wanted to take a pottery course? Maybe you can go ahead and sign up for that improv class you’ve been considering for the last year. Whatever is, follow what interests you. If nothing interests you, then try to fake it until something catches your heart and mind. In time you’ll learn to let that person go, and realize the truth: They could never give you what you want, anyway. ... Also, a quick note. There’s a shirt being sold on Everpress where 50% of the profits will go towards Australian Wildfire Relief efforts. It’s also a cool little shirt. Check it out below! Australia Shirt apparel | Everpress A little bit of Australia for ya. These limited edition Australia Shirt garments are only available here. everpress.com Originally published on Medium.
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Winter sun breaks through the branches of the trees in my backyard. I haven’t heard from her in 24 hours and it hurts. I am helpless to stop this feeling filling up my senses. This loss breaks like waves against my soul, wearing it down, like rock into salt.
You’ve been here, haven’t you? Whether it’s a break-up or a bad case of unrequited love, many of us end up in situations where we love someone who seems incapable of loving us back. What can we do when we’re in such an terrible state? We all know one answer to that question: time heals. It’s true even when we feel like in the present moment we’re going to collapse from the pain. That’s why we have to help time along, help it heal us faster, and get us back in harmony with life. Deep down we all want to live in harmony with life. What I mean by that is this: We all want to be connected with who we are as people while also living in harmony with others, especially those we feel close to. When we’re hurt over another person, we lose sight of this harmony and start to wonder if it ever existed at all. It does exist. Hopefully these tips can help you find it again. Remove Reminders of Them From Your Life This may not always be possible, especially if we’re going through a divorce or constantly see this person at work or school. All we can do is remove what reminders we can: pictures of them, notes or texts they sent you, any links over social media or email. Delete their phone number if you have to. If you have to see them, try to keep them at a distance. Nothing hurts more than seeing a picture of them smiling in front of some beautiful landscape when you should be concentrating on other things. I say this because I’ve been there, fawning over her Instagram as I gushed over how beautiful she looked. Don’t do this to yourself. Practice Gratitude and Affirmations I know that it’s the hardest thing to do, especially when you’re grieving. Maybe you’ll have to fake it for days, weeks, or months, but gratitude is a practice that will help put your life in perspective. Write down the things you’re thankful for every morning and repeat them to yourself in front of the mirror. Carry the list around with you and practice gratitude throughout the day. You can also write down things you are going to let go of and things you’ll focus on for the day. This could look something like: “I let go of my attachment to this person” or “I’m going to focus on eating healthy today.” Express Yourself Don’t let those feelings build up inside. Talk to someone about them. No matter if this is unrequited love or the demise of a long relationship, letting others know how you’re feeling can help you process your relationships. People can’t take away the pain you feel about this one-sided love, but they can empathize with you and offer you support. If you really need to talk to the other person about your feelings, then that may be the right thing to do. It’s incredibly scary and you probably won’t get the response you’re looking for, but talking to them about it may offer some closure and help you move on. Calmly tell them about your feelings and let me them tell you about theirs. Every situation is unique, but you may find out something that will help you finally release your hope of them ever returning your feelings. And remember, stay strong. You’re worth it. Originally published on Medium. |
Wesley OwensI write about love, life, and all the things in between. Archives
April 2022
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